Beaulieu Abbey Church Baby Loss Service
The service held at Beaulieu Abbey Church “was just really gentle and quiet.” It was attended by parents and grandparents, some grieving recent losses and others from years ago.
Revd Catherine Cowie organised the first baby loss service at the church after her own heartbreaking experiences. A friend from college lost her baby just three days after she was born. Catherine had conducted a baptism for the newborn via video link during Covid. Attending a baby loss service last year at Winchester Cathedral, encouraged her to bring a similar service to the parish.
Revd Catherine said, “It was a chance to come together, to be together, to give to God that pain and that grief, whether it was a recent or historical loss. The service enabled them to really feel the emotion and give it to God and to be together with people who can understand.”
Candles were lit around the church and reflective music played on the piano. The service included a bible reading and moving poetry such as ‘Little Snowdrops’. Revd Catherine had been given the names of 12 babies to read out and remember at the service.
“The day I announced the service in church, I was given four names by the end of the morning. Some of those memories were from people in their late 80s from experiences when they were in their 20s and some people whose experiences were very recent.
“I didn’t give an address as such, but I just mentioned that sometimes there are no words. All we can do is come together, be together, be a support for one another and to be there on behalf of those who didn’t feel they could come but wanted us to pray for their loved one and light a candle in their memory.
“I lit four candles, one representing our grief, pain and loss, one representing courage, strength and bravery, one representing love, support, family and friends, and the fourth representing our babies, children and pregnancies and the special place they’ve always held in our hearts.”
The congregation were then invited to come and light a candle and place it on the altar while music played. “People who sat next to each other started to chat about their experiences, so it was really gentle, lots of candles, dim light, beautiful music, and words of poetry and support. Some found it very emotional and a sacred ground to release what they were feeling. It was an opportunity to gather and be surrounded in support and held by God for a moment.”
Revd Catherine has received positive messages from people since the service who were grateful for the opportunity to remember. She’s planning to hold the service again next year.
“It’s trying to break that discomfort of not knowing what to say because what I’m hearing is that when people lose pregnancies and babies, having the opportunity to say their name, to light a candle, to sit next to somebody who can empathise is really special and important and fundamental for one’s well-being and opportunity for healing.”
